A Not-so-Confident Momma

I'm linking up again today with Kelly, Erin, Jennifer, and Courtney for Build 'Em Up! The topic this week is being confident in motherhood.

Before I was a mother, I was a perfect mother. 

Before I was a mother, I was an extremely confident mother.

I had big plans for my unborn son and my family. We were going to have an amazing natural birth (which we did, but only by the grace of God), I was going to exclusively breastfeed, I was going to have him on a flawless schedule, and on and on and on. 

But on a cold March night in 2011, that all changed in an instant as Tyler and I welcomed our beautiful curly headed boy into the world. It took me awhile, but I would soon figure out that I was as far from a perfect and confident mother as they come. 

I was hit with that reality in the hospital room the next day when Griffin wouldn't latch to nurse. Little did I know that this was the beginning of a breastfeeding nightmare, but really, that it would begin shake any confidence I thought I had as a mother. 

We had a scary few weeks with Griffin where he lost a significant amount of weight, almost enough to have to be hospitalized. That shook my confidence. 

I had to supplement with formula (which is fine and was a lifesaver for us), but I was met with some adversity from a friend and eventually lost that friendship because of FORMULA. It was her choice, not mine. Ridiculous, but it shook my confidence. 

It was hard for me to get Griffin to nap consistently and for any length of time. It took me the better part of 6 months to figure it out while my other friends seemed to have their babies on perfect schedules almost instantly. That shook my confidence.

Griffin was still taking a bottle of milk before bedtime when he was 14 months old. I was criticized for that, and it shook my confidence.

I could go on and on about what shook my confidence as a mother, but really? Those are my issues, no one else's. Plus, because of all those factors, I learned what was the best thing for my confidence as a mom.

I needed time. Time was what helped me to figure out what my little boy needed. Not what my friends thought he needed, not what the random lady at the grocery store thought he needed, but what I knew he needed. 

All I needed was to get to know Griffin better, trust my instinct, seek help from those I wanted to seek help from, and seek the Lord's face in the process. 

Griffin doesn't have a hump on his back from formula and he dropped that bottle of milk without a second thought. He takes naps and he doesn't have any problems with his weight. 

I wish I could go back, hold new-mom Rachel's face in my hands and tell her that everything would be okay. I'd tell her to relax, go with her gut, and do what's best for her baby and her family. I'd tell her that God and Tyler would help her and guide her to make good decisions for Griffin. I'd tell her not to worry about unsolicited advice because she's not mothering for that persons affirmation or glory. I'd tell her a lot of things, but knowing her, she probably wouldn't listen. Ha! 

I don't know when I truly started feeling confident as a mother, but I know I'm much better than I used to be. Everyone is different. Everyone makes different choices for their family and their children, and that's okay! We need to support one another, not tear one another down. And we certainly don't need to be tearing ourselves down for our choices. 

I don't want Griffin to be raised by a timid mom who questions her decisions because of someone's opinion or because of the way another mother is doing something. I want him to see me as confident and sure of myself because I'm seeking to glorify the Lord in all that I do, and that includes the big and small of motherhood. I want him to know that I'm confident in him as a child of God. 

The one thing I'm completely confident about is that my son knows I love him. That's what really matters! 

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Colossians 3:23-24