I saw several people do the January photo a day challenge and loved seeing their pictures everyday! About a week or so ago, I saw a February challenge on Pinterest and decided I would do it! This should be fairly easy since I'm already doing Project 365 (which I need to post-- we have had some major sickness in our house for the last week, so I'm still catching up on life).
So, there is the challenge! Pretty simple really. I will be posting my pictures on the Instagram app as well, so if you have an iPhone, you can follow me there! My username is rnoelhaney. You all should join me in this! It will be fun to try to find creative pictures for every day in February.
So, onto day one!
Day 1 :: Your View
Griffin plays in his crib everyday for a little while. He often likes to stand on his toys rather than play with them. Funny guy. :) 
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Project 366: January 1-7
Since I have the goal to blog more this year, I thought it might be fun to do Project 366. In case you're not familiar with that, it's basically a goal to take a picture everyday for a year. Some people do really cute scrapbooks with their pictures, but let's be honest-- I absolutely do not have the time or the energy to do that. I made a scrapbook one time and that was for Tyler. It took me approximately 6 years, so that would mean I would be done with Project 366 sometime in 2018. That's why I have a blog; I can do this all here. 
I will be honest; there is a very real chance I won't keep up with this on the blog, but I sure will try. There is a handy app on my iPhone that I'm using to keep these organized, but I know that no one will see those but me. This will be a fun way for the grandparents to see pictures of Griffin since he's the subject of 90% of these pictures. I also know that the grand majority of these pictures will be from my iPhone, but as a mommy, it's definitely the most handy camera I have!
So, here is my first week. Enjoy!
January 1
We went to buy Griffin a new high chair and browsed some big boy carseats. He liked them!
January 2
Griffin's Aunt Meredith knitted him the sweetest little hat for Christmas. I love how it can't contain his wild hair! It is so soft-- he just loves it!
January 3
He found a fun new place to play! He loves that he can roll his ball around as fast as he can and it won't go anywhere. He's a smart guy! 
January 4
He fell asleep completely folded in half. One minute he was sitting up, the next he was fast asleep while bent over. It didn't look very comfortable. We both laughed at this really hard.
January 5
I love Christmas.
Now, I'm not one of those people who starts listening to Christmas music in September (my husband) or who wants to start decorating in October. No ma'am. But once mid-November rolls around, I start hearing the Christmas bells ringing and I get very excited.
This year, I feel like Christmas holds a whole new meaning for me. I was in Macy's at the end of October and of course, they were already decking the halls hardcore. I got on the escalator and it hit me-- I have a BABY SON this Christmas. This is our first Christmas as a family of three, my first Christmas as a mom. I don't know why it hit me so hard, but of course, I started crying right there in the middle of Macy's. I am a class act. I managed to dry my tears a few minutes later due to the shock I felt when I picked up a baby sweater that cost $79. Um, no. Not happening.
Alright, I'm back from my rabbit trail. Yes, I love Christmas. As long as I can remember, one of my favorite parts of the season is opening the mail and looking through people's Christmas cards. It's so fun to receive them as a couple and when I go home to Michigan, I love looking at my parent's cards. It is so great to see how people's families are expanding and changing.
This will be our first Christmas to put a picture of the three of us on our card and I'm so excited! Tiny Prints has a fantastic selection of Christmas cards this year. I really love Tiny Prints; I remember the first time I heard about them was when my girlfriend sent out her daughter's first birthday invites from Tiny Prints. They were darling. The quality is great and the selection is vast. There are so many; it's hard to choose just one.
I have really slacked on these Monthly Updates. I have this stuff written down but I really need to get better about recording stuff on the blog. It's such an easy way to go back and see things. I really enjoy blogging but I honestly just forget. Hopefully I'll get better, but no promises!
Tyler absolutely hates it when I put Griffin's hair in a ponytail. HATES it. I just think it's hilarious. He really does need a haircut, but this is just too funny in the meantime. This picture cracks me up! I think he kind of looks like a cartoon character.
January 6
Sweet boy loves sitting in his new high chair! He loves the big tray and he will sit and play for a long time if I'm working in the kitchen. 
January 7
We finally put the Christmas decorations away today. We were out of town for a long time and we wanted to enjoy them for a bit longer. This was one of my favorite ornaments on our tree!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
(Almost) Wordless Wednesday
This sweet boy let me rock him to sleep last night. I found myself unable to get up and we rocked and rocked for nearly an hour. It was the best part of my day. I love being a momma!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I'm Here!
I've said it before and I'll say it again-- I'm going to start blogging more.
Ha! I know you're thinking, "Yeah, right. She's crazy." Maybe I am. Well, I am definitely. But I'm making it a priority this year. We're having too much fun to not document it for the future.
I really haven't had a good way to blog lately. We only have one computer and Ty uses it for work. However, thanks to Tyler's big business win, I now have an iPad of my very own now. I'm so proud of him and I'm very thankful! What a good man. Please bear with me as I try to figure out this blogging thing from the iPad. I'm using an app I think I like (Blogsy), but if any of y'all have suggestions, I'd love to hear them!
I've got a lot of stuff brewing in my head. I'm guessing that basically none of it will be important to anyone besides me and maybe Tyler, although, when I have a thought, I generally share it with him no matter what, so I'm thinking that most things I write about won't be a complete surprise tI have to write Griffin's 9 and 10 month posts. I have pictures, but no posts. I can't believe he's 10 months. Didn't I just have him yesterday? I have a little bit of baby fever, but not enough to where I want to be puking for 20 weeks and then pushing out a giant baby again. No sir. I'm good for awhile.
So, yes, I do indeed promise that I will be back soon. I love the friends I've made from the blogging and Twitter community and I don't want to let the blog slide just because I am obsessed like Twitter a little bit.
And in other news? This guy is still darling. But I'm sure none of you are surprised by that.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Tiny Prints Christmas Card Review
I love Christmas.
Now, I'm not one of those people who starts listening to Christmas music in September (my husband) or who wants to start decorating in October. No ma'am. But once mid-November rolls around, I start hearing the Christmas bells ringing and I get very excited.
This year, I feel like Christmas holds a whole new meaning for me. I was in Macy's at the end of October and of course, they were already decking the halls hardcore. I got on the escalator and it hit me-- I have a BABY SON this Christmas. This is our first Christmas as a family of three, my first Christmas as a mom. I don't know why it hit me so hard, but of course, I started crying right there in the middle of Macy's. I am a class act. I managed to dry my tears a few minutes later due to the shock I felt when I picked up a baby sweater that cost $79. Um, no. Not happening.
Alright, I'm back from my rabbit trail. Yes, I love Christmas. As long as I can remember, one of my favorite parts of the season is opening the mail and looking through people's Christmas cards. It's so fun to receive them as a couple and when I go home to Michigan, I love looking at my parent's cards. It is so great to see how people's families are expanding and changing.
This will be our first Christmas to put a picture of the three of us on our card and I'm so excited! Tiny Prints has a fantastic selection of Christmas cards this year. I really love Tiny Prints; I remember the first time I heard about them was when my girlfriend sent out her daughter's first birthday invites from Tiny Prints. They were darling. The quality is great and the selection is vast. There are so many; it's hard to choose just one.
I really love cards that say "Merry Christmas" and I like that this one has the word family in it and that it wishes people a happy new year! I also love that it has the year on it. It'll be a good reminder for me when I'm old and gray of what year we had this card.
The color scheme on this card is so pretty; it reminds me of our card from last year. We also will probably be using a black and white picture and I love the way it looks with this black and white one.
Oh my word, I LOVE this one! I love the Christmas colors and the square shape. And how cute are those little girls? I love every single thing about this card.
The message on this card perfectly describes the reason that we celebrate Christmas. I love the color scheme and the wording. This might be the one!
If you're still looking for a Christmas card, you really need to check out the holiday card selection at Tiny Prints. I promise you won't be disappointed-- it will be hard to choose!
I'm really excited to pick a card and get it sent out! No matter what, I know Griffin will be the star of the card.
--Tiny Prints provided me with 50 free Christmas cards for writing this post, but I promise you that even if they didn't, I would still be using them for my holiday cards this year. The quality is fantastic and you can't beat the selection of cards that they offer.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Griffin :: 4-8 Months
I have really slacked on these Monthly Updates. I have this stuff written down but I really need to get better about recording stuff on the blog. It's such an easy way to go back and see things. I really enjoy blogging but I honestly just forget. Hopefully I'll get better, but no promises!
Griffin, you are 8 months old!
November 6, 2011
But since your mommy is a blog slacker, here is how you got there...
Four months old
July 6, 2011
Five months old
August 6, 2011
Six Months Old
September 6, 2011
Seven months old
October 6, 2011
What were you up to from 3 months to 7 months?
--You wore 0-3 month clothing until you were about 4.5 months old. At that point, we switched you to 3-6 months. You could have continued to wear 0-3 month clothing for your weight, but you're entirely too long and your pants all were too short. You were still very thin and very long.
--You were in a Size 2 diaper (both Pampers and Target brand) from 4-7 months. Skinny boy!
--Your hair really started to grow thicker. It is something that people always comment on! They also call you a girl a lot. Grammy says it is because you are such a pretty baby.
--You sprouted your first two bottom teeth about a week before you turned 6 months! It really messed up your sleep schedule and you were fussy for the first time in your life. Luckily, the fussiness only lasted about a week, but I felt so bad for you since I knew you were in pain! They are the two cutest bottom teeth I have ever seen! When those teeth started coming in, you started putting EVERYTHING in your mouth. That hasn't changed since then!
--You still nurse and take a bottle for every feeding. Up until 6 months, you were eating 5-6 times per day. You would nurse in the morning and have a 4 oz bottle and then nurse at night and have an 8 oz bottle. During the day, you would nurse and get a 6 oz bottle.
--We started giving you rice cereal at about 5.5 months, but you didn't love it so we didn't push it. When you hit 6.5 months, we revamped your schedule. You wake up at 6:15 and nurse, have a 6 oz bottle and eat oatmeal. You go back down for a 2 hour nap around 8:15. At 10:15, you nurse, have a 6 oz bottle and eat a fruit or veggie. You go back down for another 2 hour nap at 12:15. You nurse, have a 6 oz bottle and eat a fruit or veggie at 2:15. You play and hang out with Mommy and Daddy when he's done with work until bath time and feeding starting around 5:15-5:30. You nurse and take an 8 oz bottle and are in bed by 6:15-6:30.
--You're still an excellent traveler! It really helps since both of your sets of grandparents live far away.
-- You had several babysitters other than Grammy! Miss Emily, Miss Mary, Miss Libby and Mr. Zach and Aunt Lisa all watched you at different times. You were good as gold for them!
--You still love your monkey pacifier; we call him your Wubbie. At 4 months old, you learned how to find him in your crib at night and pop him back in your mouth. It is so sweet when you do it while you're awake. It's definitely one of your "I'm tired" signs.
--You still sleep 12 to 13 hours solid at night. After a big battle of the wills and a lot of help from Miss Le, you became a great napper. You now nap around 4 hours a day. It has been great for both you and Mommy. You sleep soundly but you move around like no one I've ever seen. It is crazy. You go from one end of your crib to the other and back again in one night. At 5 months, you began to be a (mostly) tummy sleeper. I always put you down on your back, but you always roll to your side or your tummy. I never worried about it because I know you're strong enough to flip yourself back over. However, when you're mad and crying in your crib, you lay on your back and flail around like a baby T-rex. It's sad but also kind of funny.
--You love being around other children. You watch and observe and are very, very curious. If you're eating while anyone is around, you would rather be nosey than finish your food. You also love the church nursery and they love you; they always get excited to see you coming!
--You are a roly poly! You started rolling well around 4 months. You roll and you roll FAST. It is your only way of getting from one place to another. You started sitting between month 6 and 7. By the time you turned 7 months old, you were a sitting champ.
--It is still so easy to get you to smile and laugh! You are the happiest baby I have ever met. I can make you laugh but your daddy can always get you to just crack up. I love watching the two of you together! You are lucky to have the best daddy in the world.
--You and I are still the best of friends. You love playing with me on the floor and listening to me read you books. You also love to play in your exersaucer in the kitchen while I cook or sit in your seat and bang spoons and Tupperware. You love your mommy and she sure does love you!
Now, you are 8 months old!
What were you up to this month?
--You are in some 3-6 month clothes and some 6-9 month clothes. It just depends on the brand.
--You wear a size 2 diaper during the day (Pampers and Target brand) and a size 3 (Pampers) at night. Mommy may have cried a little bit when she had to put you in a size 3 at night. It just means you're growing up!
--Your top 2 center teeth are through the gum as of this month! The teeth on either side are now popping through as well.
--You are still on your 6:15- 6:15 schedule and it works very well for us. You're a great napper and sleep even better at night!
--You don't love to eat. You actually couldn't care less about eating solids. You love to nurse and drink your bottles, but solid food just isn't thrilling for you. You are not like your mommy when it comes to your food-- much more like your daddy. :) I still make all of your baby food and I love doing it! Your favorites are apples and pears.
--I'm pretty convinced that you said your first word-- Mama. I promise I'm not just saying this! He will mumble "mamamamamamama" over and over and sometimes when he's crying, he will cry "mamamama". It breaks my heart.
-- You are now reaching for us when you want us to pick you up. It absolutely melts my heart and I pick you up pretty much anytime you reach for me. :)
--You are still a strong sitter and you can roll to the ground from a sitting position without any problem. You try to crawl, but you still just rock back and forth on all fours. I know that once you do crawl, life will change drastically, so I'm not rushing you! You also love to stand and hold onto our hands. You've always loved to straighten your legs, even when you were a tiny baby!
--Your most desired toys are my cell phone and any sort of remote control. Your favorite toys that you're actually allowed to play with are your Sophie, an empty water bottle that has corn kernels in it, spoons, Tupperware, a little blue dog with crinkly ears from Grammy and a light up Baby Einstein singing toy. You like to play in your exersaucer and you LOVE your jumperoo! You get going so fast and you just can't stop. It makes me laugh so, so hard because you are so serious about your jumping! You jump so quickly and you have the most deadpan look on your face. Hilarious!
--You like to play Peek-a-Boo in your crib. We sit you in your crib and crouch down next to it. You scootch over and pull yourself up on the edge so you can see us and you die laughing when we pop up and say boo! We had to lower your crib because you're starting to get big enough to be able to pull yourself up on the side of the crib-- not to stand, yet, but it's safer to have your crib in the lower setting.
--You now take baths in the big bathtub. It is so sweet to see your tiny baby self in the big tub looking like such a big boy!
--You still travel very well, but you are a bit more opinionated when you want out of your carseat! Thankfully, the Baby Einstein iPad app has come in handy a few times.
--You are a Momma and Daddy's boy equally. You love being with me, but you absolutely light up when your daddy comes in the room.
--I have tons of nicknames for you-- it's a little embarrassing. Mostly, I call you Griffy, Griffles, Tiny Mouse, Baby Angel and Boogles. Your daddy calls you Rascal.
--I would guess that you are currently around 20 pounds and 28 inches, but you don't have a doctors appointment until next month. You have really filled out!
--You are still the most wonderful and darling little boy in the world! Daddy and I feel like the most blessed parents in the world. We absolutely adore you.
Happy four, five, six, seven and eight month birthday, beautiful boy!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
My BFing Journey: Part 2 (Plus a short PSA)
Please take a few minutes to read Part 1 or else this won't really be a complete story. Just as a side note, this is a loooong post and if you only read a little bit of it, please skip to the end and read that part.
As I finished with on the last installment, at about 4 weeks, Griffin finally started latching and eating. I was so thrilled. That was on a Thursday evening, but earlier in the week, I had scheduled an appointment with a lactation consultant at the hospital on Friday. Even though he latched and ate well that night, I still wanted to go in the next day. I just had this gut feeling. Something I'm learning as a mom? Always trust your gut. I'm so, so glad I did.
The next day, Griffin and I met with Suzanne (who is a saint-- no, really, a real life saint). She weighed him, watched him latch and eat for 15-20 minutes, and then weighed him again. In that time period, he gained almost nothing which is abnormal. For a 4 week old baby to eat for that long and gain so little, she knew something was off. I definitely had milk and he was trying so hard to eat, but he just wasn't gaining. We tried this a few times and he wasn't gaining weight.
In short, she started feeling around and looking in his mouth. She then told me that she thought he had something called a posterior tongue tie. There are lots of babies who have tongue tie, but Griffin's tongue tie was different and pretty uncommon. She told me she was pretty confident that this was the problem. He couldn't extend or lateralize his tongue, which made it virtually impossible for him to extract any milk. This explained his early weight gain issues. She told me that there was one doctor in the Cincinnati Dayton area that clipped these specific tongue ties, a dentist named Dr. N. She encouraged me to call him first thing on Monday to schedule an appointment.
Over the weekend, of course I consulted Dr. Google and freaked myself OUT. I was also emotionally exhausted. I wanted to nurse my baby so badly and I just didn't know what I would do if we went to see Dr. N on Monday and he told us that this wasn't the problem. Griffin continued to nurse well through the weekend, but I didn't want to take the risk of him continuing to lose weight. I was also still in horrible, horrible pain.
I did call Dr. N first thing on Monday, preparing myself to have to wait for a week or so. The receptionist was a wonderful woman and asked me how quickly we could get there. We packed up and headed to Dayton an hour later.
During our appointment, Dr. N confirmed that indeed, this was a posterior tongue tie and that he would be able to clip it that day. He explained that this was why Griffin had a heart shaped tongue, why he couldn't open his mouth very wide or high, and why he continually was pursing his lips into the tiniest little "O" shape. He was an incredible doctor. He was so kind to me and answered all my questions. He gently told me that I had been doing everything right, but that this was just part of Griffin that could be fixed quickly. He also told me that at 4 weeks old, the nerve endings in a baby's mouth are not completely developed, so his pain would be minimal if he felt anything at all. He also took my hand and told me that I was a wonderful mother. I lost it and just cried and cried. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. I truly think he was an angel in disguise.
I held Griffin as Dr. N clipped his tongue tie and I honestly think Griffin was more angry about the fact that someone had their fingers in his mouth for an extended period of time. He was easily consoled after the clip and he ate almost immediately. I'm being honest when I tell you that I could see a difference instantly. His mouth opened wider, his tongue looked normal, and when he ate, his ear moved up and down. His ear had never moved while eating before that moment.
We went home and two days later, under the advice of a professional, I took him completely off the bottle and we did "breastfeeding boot camp". I didn't leave the house for a few days and nursed him whenever he was hungry. He got the hang of nursing exclusively and started doing very well. Eventually we moved to a schedule, but for a week or so, I fed on demand.
For the next two weeks, he nursed and he nursed well. In a perfect world, this would be the end of my story. Actually, in a perfect world he would have nursed well in the hospital, but whatever. The only problem was that my pain level grew and grew and grew. My friends who had breastfed told me to stick it out for at least two weeks, that those were the most painful weeks, but that at the end of two weeks, things would improve.
WELL.
At the end of two weeks, I was horribly damaged. I could not feed Griffin without gasping and crying the whole time. Remember me? Twenty one HOURS of non-medicated labor without one tear? Yes. I was gasping for air because of the pain and it only got worse. At two weeks, it was unbearable. Again, I'd tried every trick in the book, including a shield. Nothing helped. I was dreading every single feeding and when you are feeding a baby every three hours, it tends to become very discouraging.
When Griffin was 6 weeks old, we went back to Suzanne (our lactation consultant). He ate and gained more than he had before having his tongue clipped, but she was very understanding of the excruciating pain that I was experiencing. She started feeling around in his mouth again. I will never forget what she said next. She looked at me and said, "I hate to tell you this, but he has a very high pallet (roof of his mouth)". She explained that because of the high roof of his mouth, when he was eating, he was bending my n*pple straight up and it was rubbing on the roof of his mouth. She told me that if you rub a sore for 30-40 minutes per day, 7-8 times per day, it will never heal. Obviously, there is not much that can be done for the high pallet. I about lost my mind right there in her office. I thought, "Well, this is it. At least I tried every possible thing I could". She gave me a few possible options, but she suggested that I try a smaller shield. She taught me how to use it and told me to go home and try it for a bit, but to call her if I needed anything. We actually are Facebook friends now. She was and is an amazing person and I'm forever thankful to her.
I went home, used the shield on both sides, and never looked back. Since that day, I have only nursed Griffin a handful of times without it. He won't eat for long if I don't use it. Some people would be very upset that they were only able to nurse with a shield, but I am so grateful for it. Without the shield, I never would have been able to nurse my son for the last 6 months. I would have never been able to continue nursing without it because of the damage I suffered. Even with the shield, I still bled and had pain until Griffin was about 4 1/2 months old. It got better, but it was definitely hard. I got mastitis a few more times, I can't nurse in public because of the difficulty of getting the shield on properly and for me, there was and never has been anything easy about nursing.
Another part (the final part, I promise!) of this story is the part that I have become very passionate about. I said in Part 1 that I fully expected that Griffin would nurse immediately. I was an expert on feeding babies before I actually had a baby. We had lots of formula samples and I threw them away. I remember telling Tyler, "I don't even want formula in the house.It's not an option for me." Stupid. I didn't even want bottles in our cabinets because I wasn't going to give the baby a bottle of breast milk until he was at least 4 weeks old. Yes, I was quite the expert.
Here is where I am going to be completely honest-- when I saw women feeding their babies formula or had friends who fed their babies formula, I judged them and I judged them HARD. I would hear women say, "Nursing just didn't work/ wasn't for me" and I would think, "That is awful! Why wouldn't you do something so easy and use something to feed your baby that is healthy and FREE?" and "Yeah, I'm sure it didn't work for you. Whatever." Again, I was very experienced in feeding the baby that I DIDN'T HAVE.
What I didn't share above is that every since Griffin was about 4 months old, he has had way more formula than breast milk. He is currently 6 months old, and for all the feedings at home or at work, I nurse him first, then give him a 6 ounce bottle. If we're out, I just give him a bottle, but when we're home, I still nurse him first. I plan to continue this until his first birthday, if he'll continue to be compliant.
My milk supply suffered greatly because of all of our "stop and go" issues. I tried Fenugreek and Mother's Milk tea, but they gave me mastitis and plugged ducts. I didn't have the milk supply to feed my baby enough to make him grow, so I had no other choice but to go with formula.
And you know what? Formula? It's great. Not to be dramatic, but it saved my baby's life. It has helped him to thrive and grow into a very sweet, curious, and dare I say smart little 6 month old. He hasn't grown a third arm or a hump on his back because of formula. He sleeps through the night and loves both nursing and his bottles. It has given me a great sense of freedom that I can leave him with his daddy or a sitter and not have to be worried about whether he'll take a bottle or not. It has given Griffin and his dad a great time of bonding through feeding. For us, Formula has been a God-send.
If you'd have told me a year ago that I'd be typing these words, I would have told you that you were a nut. I WAS GOING TO BREASTFEED, HEAR ME ROAR. Except that's not how it worked. If we end up having other children, I will certainly attempt to nurse them, but if we have problems, I know that I have a fantastic option to help me feed my baby.
In conclusion, I want to speak to the women out there who tend to be "experts" on breastfeeding, whether it was easy for you or you're an "expert" like I was pre-baby. Please be kind. Please be gentle with us who wanted to nurse so badly and couldn't. To those who tried everything and weren't successful. To those of us who never made enough milk or who never made milk period. To those of us who had sick babies and babies who didn't gain weight on breast milk, so we had no choice but to feed our babies with formula. To those of us who chose not to nurse because it wasn't for us-- which is perfectly, perfectly fine. I fully realize that the majority of nursing moms out there aren't judging others, but they do exist. There are moms who have fed their babies formula exclusively who judge breastfeeding moms! It is a two-sided coin, but in my experience, the side that lands heads-up most often is the "judging of formula feeding moms" side.
The fact that I wanted to nurse exclusively and couldn't has been an extremely emotional journey for me. Just ask my family and the few friends who walked me through every step. I wanted to be a nursing mom so, so badly. I was a basket case and I felt like I had failed my baby. Did I fail Griffin because he wasn't fed only by breast milk? NO, but for a long time I felt like I had! I felt like I had failed him because I had been subjected to several sources who treated formula as if it were of the devil. Formula is life giving to many babies, but so is breast milk. I could play this game all day, but I won't.
I am so thankful for a beautiful and healthy baby. I learned a few months ago that I had to let go of the guilt I had impressed upon myself about using formula and be thankful that I had the option. I truly am thankful that I live in a country that gives me the option of feeding my baby in a healthy and alternative way. Formula is not the enemy. The real enemy is the judgement that can come along with motherhood. We all need to learn to support and love each other more, no matter what our differences.
And because no post is complete without a picture of this darling boy, I give you my precious (breast AND formula fed) baby boy.
If you have any further questions about my experience or nursing questions in general, I would love to talk to you more. I am certainly no expert, but I'm willing to tell any details that might help someone in need. Feel free to contact me at rnoelhaney (at) gmail (dot) com.
As I finished with on the last installment, at about 4 weeks, Griffin finally started latching and eating. I was so thrilled. That was on a Thursday evening, but earlier in the week, I had scheduled an appointment with a lactation consultant at the hospital on Friday. Even though he latched and ate well that night, I still wanted to go in the next day. I just had this gut feeling. Something I'm learning as a mom? Always trust your gut. I'm so, so glad I did.
The next day, Griffin and I met with Suzanne (who is a saint-- no, really, a real life saint). She weighed him, watched him latch and eat for 15-20 minutes, and then weighed him again. In that time period, he gained almost nothing which is abnormal. For a 4 week old baby to eat for that long and gain so little, she knew something was off. I definitely had milk and he was trying so hard to eat, but he just wasn't gaining. We tried this a few times and he wasn't gaining weight.
In short, she started feeling around and looking in his mouth. She then told me that she thought he had something called a posterior tongue tie. There are lots of babies who have tongue tie, but Griffin's tongue tie was different and pretty uncommon. She told me she was pretty confident that this was the problem. He couldn't extend or lateralize his tongue, which made it virtually impossible for him to extract any milk. This explained his early weight gain issues. She told me that there was one doctor in the Cincinnati Dayton area that clipped these specific tongue ties, a dentist named Dr. N. She encouraged me to call him first thing on Monday to schedule an appointment.
Over the weekend, of course I consulted Dr. Google and freaked myself OUT. I was also emotionally exhausted. I wanted to nurse my baby so badly and I just didn't know what I would do if we went to see Dr. N on Monday and he told us that this wasn't the problem. Griffin continued to nurse well through the weekend, but I didn't want to take the risk of him continuing to lose weight. I was also still in horrible, horrible pain.
I did call Dr. N first thing on Monday, preparing myself to have to wait for a week or so. The receptionist was a wonderful woman and asked me how quickly we could get there. We packed up and headed to Dayton an hour later.
During our appointment, Dr. N confirmed that indeed, this was a posterior tongue tie and that he would be able to clip it that day. He explained that this was why Griffin had a heart shaped tongue, why he couldn't open his mouth very wide or high, and why he continually was pursing his lips into the tiniest little "O" shape. He was an incredible doctor. He was so kind to me and answered all my questions. He gently told me that I had been doing everything right, but that this was just part of Griffin that could be fixed quickly. He also told me that at 4 weeks old, the nerve endings in a baby's mouth are not completely developed, so his pain would be minimal if he felt anything at all. He also took my hand and told me that I was a wonderful mother. I lost it and just cried and cried. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. I truly think he was an angel in disguise.
I held Griffin as Dr. N clipped his tongue tie and I honestly think Griffin was more angry about the fact that someone had their fingers in his mouth for an extended period of time. He was easily consoled after the clip and he ate almost immediately. I'm being honest when I tell you that I could see a difference instantly. His mouth opened wider, his tongue looked normal, and when he ate, his ear moved up and down. His ear had never moved while eating before that moment.
We went home and two days later, under the advice of a professional, I took him completely off the bottle and we did "breastfeeding boot camp". I didn't leave the house for a few days and nursed him whenever he was hungry. He got the hang of nursing exclusively and started doing very well. Eventually we moved to a schedule, but for a week or so, I fed on demand.
For the next two weeks, he nursed and he nursed well. In a perfect world, this would be the end of my story. Actually, in a perfect world he would have nursed well in the hospital, but whatever. The only problem was that my pain level grew and grew and grew. My friends who had breastfed told me to stick it out for at least two weeks, that those were the most painful weeks, but that at the end of two weeks, things would improve.
WELL.
At the end of two weeks, I was horribly damaged. I could not feed Griffin without gasping and crying the whole time. Remember me? Twenty one HOURS of non-medicated labor without one tear? Yes. I was gasping for air because of the pain and it only got worse. At two weeks, it was unbearable. Again, I'd tried every trick in the book, including a shield. Nothing helped. I was dreading every single feeding and when you are feeding a baby every three hours, it tends to become very discouraging.
When Griffin was 6 weeks old, we went back to Suzanne (our lactation consultant). He ate and gained more than he had before having his tongue clipped, but she was very understanding of the excruciating pain that I was experiencing. She started feeling around in his mouth again. I will never forget what she said next. She looked at me and said, "I hate to tell you this, but he has a very high pallet (roof of his mouth)". She explained that because of the high roof of his mouth, when he was eating, he was bending my n*pple straight up and it was rubbing on the roof of his mouth. She told me that if you rub a sore for 30-40 minutes per day, 7-8 times per day, it will never heal. Obviously, there is not much that can be done for the high pallet. I about lost my mind right there in her office. I thought, "Well, this is it. At least I tried every possible thing I could". She gave me a few possible options, but she suggested that I try a smaller shield. She taught me how to use it and told me to go home and try it for a bit, but to call her if I needed anything. We actually are Facebook friends now. She was and is an amazing person and I'm forever thankful to her.
I went home, used the shield on both sides, and never looked back. Since that day, I have only nursed Griffin a handful of times without it. He won't eat for long if I don't use it. Some people would be very upset that they were only able to nurse with a shield, but I am so grateful for it. Without the shield, I never would have been able to nurse my son for the last 6 months. I would have never been able to continue nursing without it because of the damage I suffered. Even with the shield, I still bled and had pain until Griffin was about 4 1/2 months old. It got better, but it was definitely hard. I got mastitis a few more times, I can't nurse in public because of the difficulty of getting the shield on properly and for me, there was and never has been anything easy about nursing.
Another part (the final part, I promise!) of this story is the part that I have become very passionate about. I said in Part 1 that I fully expected that Griffin would nurse immediately. I was an expert on feeding babies before I actually had a baby. We had lots of formula samples and I threw them away. I remember telling Tyler, "I don't even want formula in the house.It's not an option for me." Stupid. I didn't even want bottles in our cabinets because I wasn't going to give the baby a bottle of breast milk until he was at least 4 weeks old. Yes, I was quite the expert.
Here is where I am going to be completely honest-- when I saw women feeding their babies formula or had friends who fed their babies formula, I judged them and I judged them HARD. I would hear women say, "Nursing just didn't work/ wasn't for me" and I would think, "That is awful! Why wouldn't you do something so easy and use something to feed your baby that is healthy and FREE?" and "Yeah, I'm sure it didn't work for you. Whatever." Again, I was very experienced in feeding the baby that I DIDN'T HAVE.
What I didn't share above is that every since Griffin was about 4 months old, he has had way more formula than breast milk. He is currently 6 months old, and for all the feedings at home or at work, I nurse him first, then give him a 6 ounce bottle. If we're out, I just give him a bottle, but when we're home, I still nurse him first. I plan to continue this until his first birthday, if he'll continue to be compliant.
My milk supply suffered greatly because of all of our "stop and go" issues. I tried Fenugreek and Mother's Milk tea, but they gave me mastitis and plugged ducts. I didn't have the milk supply to feed my baby enough to make him grow, so I had no other choice but to go with formula.
And you know what? Formula? It's great. Not to be dramatic, but it saved my baby's life. It has helped him to thrive and grow into a very sweet, curious, and dare I say smart little 6 month old. He hasn't grown a third arm or a hump on his back because of formula. He sleeps through the night and loves both nursing and his bottles. It has given me a great sense of freedom that I can leave him with his daddy or a sitter and not have to be worried about whether he'll take a bottle or not. It has given Griffin and his dad a great time of bonding through feeding. For us, Formula has been a God-send.
If you'd have told me a year ago that I'd be typing these words, I would have told you that you were a nut. I WAS GOING TO BREASTFEED, HEAR ME ROAR. Except that's not how it worked. If we end up having other children, I will certainly attempt to nurse them, but if we have problems, I know that I have a fantastic option to help me feed my baby.
In conclusion, I want to speak to the women out there who tend to be "experts" on breastfeeding, whether it was easy for you or you're an "expert" like I was pre-baby. Please be kind. Please be gentle with us who wanted to nurse so badly and couldn't. To those who tried everything and weren't successful. To those of us who never made enough milk or who never made milk period. To those of us who had sick babies and babies who didn't gain weight on breast milk, so we had no choice but to feed our babies with formula. To those of us who chose not to nurse because it wasn't for us-- which is perfectly, perfectly fine. I fully realize that the majority of nursing moms out there aren't judging others, but they do exist. There are moms who have fed their babies formula exclusively who judge breastfeeding moms! It is a two-sided coin, but in my experience, the side that lands heads-up most often is the "judging of formula feeding moms" side.
The fact that I wanted to nurse exclusively and couldn't has been an extremely emotional journey for me. Just ask my family and the few friends who walked me through every step. I wanted to be a nursing mom so, so badly. I was a basket case and I felt like I had failed my baby. Did I fail Griffin because he wasn't fed only by breast milk? NO, but for a long time I felt like I had! I felt like I had failed him because I had been subjected to several sources who treated formula as if it were of the devil. Formula is life giving to many babies, but so is breast milk. I could play this game all day, but I won't.
I am so thankful for a beautiful and healthy baby. I learned a few months ago that I had to let go of the guilt I had impressed upon myself about using formula and be thankful that I had the option. I truly am thankful that I live in a country that gives me the option of feeding my baby in a healthy and alternative way. Formula is not the enemy. The real enemy is the judgement that can come along with motherhood. We all need to learn to support and love each other more, no matter what our differences.
And because no post is complete without a picture of this darling boy, I give you my precious (breast AND formula fed) baby boy.
If you have any further questions about my experience or nursing questions in general, I would love to talk to you more. I am certainly no expert, but I'm willing to tell any details that might help someone in need. Feel free to contact me at rnoelhaney (at) gmail (dot) com.
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