First of all, I didn't get up early and do my quiet time. I didn't even crack open my Bible today.
I went to sleep early last night, but a series of events caused me to get a terrible night of sleep, so I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
I was doing well until Griffin refused to nap. We took his pacifier away over a month ago and since then he's had the worst time falling asleep for naps and bedtime... something that he rarely had issues with before.
He literally demands different things every time then screams and cries if you don't comply. It's exhausting. Today, it took me almost two hours to get him down for a nap. Just as I was about to give up, he gave in.
But this was not before I went all scary mommy on him.
I'm so glad that we were the only two home because I would be mortified if anyone could ever see how I acted towards my two year old baby. It was awful. I was not kind to him. I was the opposite of kind and I know I hurt his feelings. All because I had my own agenda, was tired, and just wanted a break.
There's no excuse for how I acted towards my own little boy. As I think about it now, I have tears streaming down my face yet again.
These years are short. I had nothing of importance to do today. I was purely selfish.
Griffin doesn't do change well. He's so much like me. We've had a lot of change the last two months and obviously, taking away the pacifier he's had since day one is a big change, too. I think he's only been able to express his unrest by trying to control what happens at nap and bed time.
I need to work with him more. I need to have more patience. I need to have more grace. I need to remember that he's a 2.5 year old that can't verbally express how he's struggling with the changes in our family life (disclaimer: nothing bad! Just change). I love that child with every fiber of my being, whether he ever sleeps another moment or not.
After he woke up, I immediately ran up to his room and scooped him up. I could tell he was still sad from our earlier interaction. I rocked him for a long time and cried and told him many times how sorry I was. I asked for his forgiveness and bless him, he laid on me and stroked my hair while I cried into his.
I hate that we had that awful battle over something as stupid as a nap. I hate it. But I determined that I would intentionally make the rest of the day better and we did.
We baked banana bread together, had his current favorite snack (peanuts and almonds), read book after book, ate popcorn and watched Tangled. I gave him a bath and we took our time through his bedtime routine. As you can see below, I think he forgave his mama for her poor attitude earlier in the day.
And yes, he pulled some shenanigans at bedtime, but I was patient, loving, and I didn't rush through it. It made all the difference.
Tomorrow will be better. I fell on my face before the Lord today after he fell asleep, wept, and asked for forgiveness. My prayer is that God reminds me over and over tomorrow of His unending patience for me even when I kick and scream and demand my way.
I'm grateful for the opportunity to be a parent every day... not just on the easy days. I'm going to work on being intentionally patient with my sweet boy tomorrow. He deserves it.
This is the ninth post in my 31 Days of Being Imperfectly Intentional series.
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