Surprise!

For the second summer in a row, I've been fairly absent on the blog. I promise it's for good reason! You see, in July, we got some unexpected and wonderful news...

We are shocked and absolutely elated! I'm fairly certain that Griffin just thinks I'm eternally pregnant and Annabeth is blissfully unaware that she'll be promoted to big sister in March. 

Tyler and I still can't believe that we're expecting #3. It feels like a dream sometimes, until I look down and see my already growing bump. I'm just over 13 weeks, so I'm into the second trimester and am hoping I will start to feel better soon! 

I will share more soon, but we are so excited to finally spill our big news!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Well hello there.

I always tend to have trouble figuring out just how to start blog posts. I think this is a problem that will haunt me to the day my blog says goodbye.

I wanted to come here and write. I'm not even sure the direction in which my writing is going to go today, but I need to write.

The winds of change are blowing through our lives. When I say the winds of change, I want to be clear-- there is no bad change here. It's all good, but man... it's big. Also, I'm not pregnant, so don't go thinking that Annabeth is going to be an Irish twin. Ha!

I think of this blog a lot as I go about my day. I think of things I want to share, want to remember. I love the community I've become a part of thanks to blogging and the (albeit spotty) record of our family that I've been able to keep here. However, as my kids grow, I really toy with how "public" this blog should be.

I don't have a huge readership, but it's still a blog that's available to anyone who has an Internet connection. I've toyed with shutting it all down, but I don't think that's the answer because I love this little space so very much. The only other options are to leave it public or take it private. I know I can't control everything, but knowing just who is reading this blog appeals to me.

I've never had the goal of having thousands of readers. It's just never been important to me or the direction my blog has gone. Please hear me when I say that I have dear friends who have a large readership and they are wonderful people and writers. I have gained so much from what they write and how they share their lives. Just because of how I'm feeling doesn't mean that I think they should feel the same. I have to add that disclaimer because I would never want to unintentionally (or intentionally) hurt someone.

I don't want to go away completely. No one puts pressure on me to keep this blog alive but ME. And I feel that pressure from myself every day. I'm a terrible word documenter-- I have the desire, but not the follow through. And with the months that we have ahead of us, I just don't see myself having a lot of time to sit down and write. As I sit here, there is a kitchen full of dishes and stuff that needs to be put away. There's laundry and vacuuming to be done. There are beds to be made. There are thank you notes to write and birth announcements to stamp (yes, 4 months late). The children are sleeping, so I'm not totally neglecting them. ;)

So what to do? I want to write. I love to write. I want to remember these days of our lives.

I still want to finish writing Annabeth's birth story.

I still want to post her 3 and 4 month post.

I still want to share the pictures we had made in February and April.

I still want to share what Griffin is doing these days and talk about how funny and amazing he is.

I still desperately want to share what our family went through last year in regards to my health. I need to share God's faithfulness in a dark, dark time.

I still want to share about the changes that are coming for us.

I still want to share pictures and stories about my home and the things I create here.

I want, I want, I want. There's so much that I want.

But right now, I'm feeling a bit over my head. I'm feeling kind of swamped and tired and overwhelmed. I have a running to-do list that's a mile long. I'm never done. I've not been taking time for what matters most to me.

When I sat down to identify that, I came up with this. What matters to me most is my faith in Christ, my marriage, my children, my friendships and family relationships, and a little bit of self care thrown in there.

For me, I do believe that blogging is part of that self-care. When I sit down and let myself write, I feel the tension dissipate from my shoulders and I breathe a little easier. It's something I can actively engage my brain in for a little while. For a long time, I've felt that self-care is actually quite selfish, but I'm slowly getting over that. There's nothing wrong with taking a little time to understand what makes me, me. What makes me tick. Thanks to a lot of over-saturation from social media, I feel as though I've really lost who I am over the past 3-4 years and that is no one's fault but my own. I'm pointing my own finger right at my own chest.

So why write all this? Why share all this? I don't know. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm just looking to make sense of all this stuff that's rolling around in my brain. I've felt conflicted for awhile and I can't put my finger on why. But if there's anything I've learned in the last two years, it's that my feelings are a great liar. I can't look to them to drive me, to steer my actions and my thoughts. I have to look to Christ.

Have you ever had a time like this in your life? When the change makes you tremble with anxiety and perhaps a little bit of grief over what will never again exist? That's where I am. Even with my eyes on Jesus, that's where I am. That's the honest truth.

I want to reiterate that these changes truly aren't negative. They're just changes and I've always struggled with change. Always. Some things never change... pun intended. Ha!

Thanks for reading and for listening. This was kind of an incoherent brain dump, but I already feel a bit better. Again, I love this little community. I've always felt very supported and encouraged even when I come here and write out a little bit of my crazy for the world to see!

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

To My Boy

Dear Griffin,

This week, life as you know it is going to change in one of the biggest possible ways. We are going to welcome your little sister into our family and you're going to become a big brother.

I have no doubt that you will be a fantastic big brother. You already talk to the baby and talk about how you're going to tickle her and play with her. You call her Sissy and Bubbles and Baby Sissy Bubbles. We're not sure if you'll actually ever call her by name!

I'm so excited to meet your sweet sister. She has been hoped for, prayed for, and dreamed of for a long time. One thing that Daddy and I desired so much was to give you a sibling and this week, it's going to happen.

However, it is one of the most bittersweet things I could ever imagine. Primarily sweet, but a little bit emotional for your old mom here.

For the past three years, day in and day out, it's been me and you, buddy. I've been so blessed to be able to stay home with you and although we've had plenty of hard days, the wonderful days have outweighed those hard days a thousand times over.

Griffin, you made one of my biggest dreams come true. You made me a mama. The day you were born was the best day of my life beside the day I married your dad. You are my joy boy!

I will never forget the moment they laid you on my chest after you were born. I'd been (stupidly) afraid that I wouldn't love you, that I wouldn't feel connected to you. I was afraid I wouldn't have enough love in my heart for you and your dad, even though they're very different kinds of love. But the very second I saw your face I would have done anything for you. That hasn't changed for one second since March 6, 2011 at 8:33 pm. If anything, it's gotten stronger. God blessed me beyond my wildest dreams when He gave me you.

There is no one I love like I love you right now. You are my buddy, my Bubba Boy, my tiny mouse. You are my only baby right now, but this week, that all changes.

But you taught me something so important, my boy. I'm not afraid this time. I'm not afraid that I won't love and connect with your baby sister. I'm not afraid that I won't have enough love in my heart for you both because you helped to teach me that unconditional love is very, very real. You helped to teach me that my heart can just expand to fit more love.

It may sound basic, but it's true. You have taught me so much. You've taught me how to be your mama and soon, Bubbles's mama. And you have been the most patient, loving, gracious teacher. I have learned so much from you.

We have had a fantastic three years. There is so much I love doing with you. I love to watch you play alone and play with you. I love doing puzzles with you and dancing with you. I love how you love to snuggle and hold my hand.

I love how you love to sing with me in the car. I love your love for music and especially drums. I love how you're so in tune with others and how they're feeling. I love grocery shopping with you. I love how fun and carefree you are. I love that you feel deeply, even though that means we butt heads often.

My sweet boy, it is a pleasure to be your mother. It has been a pleasure to spend the last three years with you, day in and day out. You have made it easy to love being a mama… you've made it easy to love being your mama.

Tonight, I laid in bed with you and you sang me your songs and I started to cry. It's not because I'm sad, but just because it is the end of our era. It's the beginning of a new and super wonderful era, but at the same time, the days of our little duo are coming to an end rather quickly.

You know that this week, I'll go to the "hostibal" and that when we come home, we'll bring your sister with us. You say you know, but I know you don't really know. I've tried to prepare you the best I can, but I think you're going to rock this big brother thing.

I know you have somewhat of an idea that things are going to be different soon because you have never loved me more. I think it will be hard for you to see me giving another little person so much attention. It might take awhile, because you are your mama's boy and we don't love change, but I think we're going to do just fine with this particularly precious change. I cannot wait to see you with your sister. I know you're going to love her and that she will adore you. What's not to adore?

I love you to the moon and back, my precious Griffy. Thank you for being my best boy.

Love, Mama

Weekend Update

It's been awhile since I've done a weekend recap. We had a great few days and I want to remember these last few months as a family of three.

On Friday, Griffin and I bundled up and headed to the zoo. Not to beat a dead horse, but I'm really starting to realize that our days as a pair are numbered. I thought it would be fun to head to the zoo to just have a little time together.

When we got there, some staff were decorating the big tree in the main entrance. Griffin was absolutely thrilled. He loves any type of construction vehicle and he's especially into cranes. He is also really loving anything related to Christmas, so this was a perfect situation in his mind.

The people decorating the tree were so sweet to him and responded every time he started yelling at them. He could barely contain his excitement! We stood there for a really, really long time. I'm actually surprised we even made it past the tree, but the promise of the train and the carousel lured him in. Since the zoo was virtually empty, we were able to ride both the train and carousel several times without standing in line. It's every mother's dream to not have to stand in line with her squirmy toddler.

We were able to see a few animals before I was too cold to continue. Some pregnant women are hot all nine months. Me? I can never get warm. Ever. I really did have the best time with my sweet boy. He dictated what we did, but was also very understanding when I told him Mommy was cold and ready to go. I'm hoping we can head back this week for some more time together.

He was cracking me up when he saw that alligator above. He sat on his back for a long time and before we walked away, he carefully place a leaf in his mouth to "feed" him. Such a thoughtful young man!

Tyler caught the awful head cold that Griffin and I got over last week, so we spent a quiet Friday evening at home eating Ina Garten's easy tomato soup and grilled cheese. We hit the hay early which is one of our favorite things to do. We. Are. Old.

On Saturday, we made Pumpkin Spice Baked Donut Holes. They were so good. I had two really wonderful helpers (Kitty included, of course) and the donut holes turned out perfectly. It was a spur of the moment decision and I had everything we needed in the pantry. 

They made for a delicious Saturday morning breakfast. We gave Griffin one without the cinnamon sugar and one with the cinnamon sugar. I'll let you guess which he liked better. We have a few more leftover and I'm already looking forward to having some with my coffee tomorrow! 

After nap time, we headed out to the dollar theater to see Planes. It was Griffin's first movie! He did go to a few as an infant, but we've been waiting for something to come to the dollar theater so we could try out the movies without spending an arm and a leg. We just weren't sure how he'd do. He sat for a long time chowing down on popcorn and then ended up walking around a little bit in our area which wasn't a big deal since we were one of three small groups in the theater. 

The last two pictures here KILL me. Griffin looks drugged and yes, I did bring a towel for him to sit on at the theater. I know of one too many people who have gotten lice from movie theater seats, so I wasn't going to take any chances. Gross.

All in all, he did great. We made it through the movie, but we agreed we won't be paying full price for a movie any time soon. It's nice to know we can take him to a dollar movie every once in awhile for activity, though!

He saw Bob the Builder and Rollie before we went into the theater, so he asked quite a few times during the movie if it was done so he could go for a ride. He made a beeline for them the second the credits started rolling. All in all, it was a great trip to the movies for all three of us!

Today we headed to church where we got a great word from our pastor. We had lunch with friends after church and came home for naps, football, and a little bit of cleaning. Then we had friends over to look at some furniture we're selling them and to eat pizza. 

I didn't get a picture of the little people, but while we were eating, Griffin reached over for Lydia and said, "You're my best friend, Lydia." I could've melted into a puddle on the floor. I'm so grateful that even at the young age of two, he has such wonderful friends. God has put some amazing people in our lives and I'm so thankful.

It was a great weekend! Now it's off to meal plan for the week and try to find a dress to order for my brother in law's upcoming wedding. Bless it; I'm having trouble finding something that won't make me look like an 8 months pregnant beached whale in December. Wish me luck!

Easter 2013

Easter felt like it came and went so fast this year! Maybe it's because it was in March or maybe it's because we've already had a whirlwind of a year, but Easter always feels to me like the start of spring. If only the weather would cooperate!

We had a really nice day! We have stayed here over Easter the past two years, and I have to say that we love it. When both sides of the family live out of town, it's nice to stay put for a holiday now and then. Easter seems like a good fit for that.

We got up and went to church. Our pastor absolutely killed it. I've been in church for 27 Easter Sundays now and it was hands-down the best message I've ever heard on Easter Sunday. His words hit me in a fresh way and I left so overwhelmed and grateful for the incredible sacrifice Jesus made for me!

We've had a difficult year so far and if I'm being honest, I've questioned at times whether God is really good, whether He is really for me. As I sat and listened to the graphic details of how Christ suffered and died a humiliating, excruciating death for me, I thought of how I could ever let Griffin do that for another person. The answer is a big fat no stinking way. But God let His one and only son do that for me and Jesus did it willingly! Not only that, but in addition to a horrific death, Jesus had the weight of every sin ever committed square on His shoulders. He did that so that I can have Hope. How can I question if God is good after being reminded of that? He is good. He is for me.

There's an Easter rabbit trail for you! Pun intended.

After church, we came home and tortured Griffin with some pictures. He hates getting his picture made right now and it makes me so sad. I was bound and determined to get a few good shots, so I bribed him with a lollipop. Parenting at it's finest right here, folks! Could you not just die at how sweet he is in his little seersucker pants and vest?? I know I'm a little biased, but I think he is the cutest thing ever. These pictures aren't the best quality, but that's what happens when it rains on Easter and you have to take pictures inside.

I can't even stand that last picture. My sweet little man child.

After the pictures, which were akin to pulling out Griffin's fingernails one by one, we ate lunch and put him down for an early nap. When he woke up, we all changed into our sweats and headed over to our surrogate family in Cincinnati. My friend Le, her husband Bob, and her parents have welcomed us into their family with open arms. We love them so much and Griffin is basically obsessed with all of them. He asks for "Bop, Yee, Nee-Fa (Neva, Bob & Le's daughter), and Gigi (Le's mom)" constantly. Of course I didn't take a single picture at Gigi and Granddaddy's house, but I do have this video of the next day. When I went to get him from his crib in the morning, the first person he asked for was Neva. He's a boy who knows what he wants!

We ended up giving him his Easter basket late, but better late than never! Everything that I got for him was stuff he needed or things I found from the dollar bin at Target. It's easy to spoil your child a little bit when they're the only one! Am I right?

One of the biggest hits of the Easter basket were the confetti eggs! I happened to see these at Kroger one day and picked up a box. My only regret is that I didn't buy several boxes to last us over the next year! Griffin had a ball smashing them on the driveway and we had a lot of fun watching him. There's something about smashing eggs that aren't gross and slimy! These were so much fun and Griffin will definitely be finding a repeat box in his Easter basket next year. 

He loved the other little goodies in his Easter basket, minus the socks. I can't imagine why socks weren't a big hit for a two year old. He loved his chocolate bunny and kept hugging it. His "Minnow" (Nemo) Pez dispenser was the other favorite. I love doing little mom things like filling up an Easter basket. 

I hope you all had a great Easter celebrating the Risen Savior! 

31 Days of Haney Life :: Day 9

If you're unfamiliar with my 31 Days topic, please take a moment and visit this post.

Today is October 9, 2012 and Griffin is 19 months old.

As I've been writing out our days, I'm realizing that they probably sound very boring to most people. But to me, they're anything but boring. Some days are long, especially days where Tyler is out of town, but I wouldn't change this season of my life for anything.

This morning, Griffin and I headed out for our stroller exercise class at a local park. When I signed up for this, I seriously thought it would be pretty easy. NOT THE CASE. I almost died the first time we did it, but I really enjoy it now. It's an hour of intense cardio, weights, and stretching and we are moving the entire time. The babies just come along in the strollers and when we do stairs and things that won't allow you to bring your stroller, the instructor stays with them. When we do our mat work at the end, they all get out of the strollers and play together. I always look forward to it! I was pretty proud of myself today because after I loaded Griffin in the car, I went to walk around to my side and stepped in a hole in the grass. I rolled my ankle pretty badly; it still hurts a lot. I sat there for awhile and Tyler came out to help me walk around and I decided to go anyway. I was a little late and had to modify a few things, but I was so glad I went. I felt like a beast! But I'm not. After class, Griffin and I played at the park for awhile. We have some really gorgeous parks here! I love this first picture of Griffin on the swings! He is such a funny little boy; he cracks me up every single day!

He was showing me his sweet Baby Legs leg warmers in this last picture. They were perfect on a really cold morning! After class, we were both a little chilled, so we ended up meeting Tyler for a lunch date at Panera. It was a fun little mid-day pick-me-up. This was the best picture I could get and it's pretty accurate of picture taking with Griffin these days. Haha!

Griffin took a great nap today. He's been doing well at naps lately, which naturally means that since I've now blogged about it, he will go back to taking horrible naps. Maybe we've turned a 19 month corner? I love this picture below. We had a man come out and measure for a new front door today and Griffin just wanted to be one of the guys. He stood there and just watched and listened for as long as the door man was discussing it with Tyler. Such a little buddy man!

Tyler is downtown tonight watching the Reds game and I'm about to finish up some chores that I slacked on today in favor of a relaxing nap time. I'm enjoying documenting our days so much. It's definitely getting me back into the blogging groove.

However, tomorrow I will be silencing my blog with many others in remembrance of Matt Turner. Please pray for Julee as she attends the funeral of the love of her life tomorrow.

If you're interested in reading more in my 31 Days series, please click here!

 

31 Days of Haney :: Days 5, 6, and 7

If you're unfamiliar with my 31 Days topic, please take a moment and visit this post.

It was October 5, 6, and 7, 2012 and Griffin is now 19 months old (as of October 6).

Well, here we are a few days in and I'm already behind. I'm not going to let it get me down because this is just a little family blog and I'm blogging for me. I'm getting back on the horse after a great weekend!

On Friday, we had a play date at a local park with a former teacher friend and her little girl. With two very active toddlers, this was the best picture I could get.

I enjoy Ashley's company so much and Griffin and Alyssa play very well together! It's so important to have friends who are in the same life stage as you. I'm looking forward to lots more years of friendship.

Griffin played in the driveway that afternoon while I cleaned out my car. When Daddy came home, he let Griffin "drive the car". This child thought he was BIG STUFF. I think we've discovered a new activity on really fussy days. On Friday night, I was able to go to a movie with a few of my girlfriends. We saw Won't Back Down and I would highly recommend it. It was a great story and there is a part with Viola Davis and her movie son that made me weep for a good ten minutes. If you see it, you'll know what I mean. I am looking forward to watching it again with Tyler when it comes out on DVD!

We woke up and headed out on Saturday morning. We headed to good old Marion, Indiana for our college's homecoming and a mini-reunion with some of my college girlfriends! I had the best time! It was so fun being back on campus and seeing some of my girls. My years at college were so wonderful and I always feel so nostalgic when we're on our way back to Marion.

Of course, the first thing we did was hit up Mi Pueblo for the best arroz con pollo in the WORLD. We would go there in college and eat ourselves sick on this stuff. There would be a huge group of us and we'd all order the same thing! We all said we haven't been able to find any Mexican restaurants that come close to Mi Pueblo since we graduated. I was in heaven with my food, friends, and baby. After we ate, we went to the soccer game. It was pretty cold, but still nice to be out there. We were able to meet up with my brother-in-law, future sister-in-law and Tyler's cousin! I loved seeing all of them.

I love this picture of me and my Stephy. She's my person

After the soccer game, Griffin and Tyler headed home. I was able to stay overnight with my girls and they had a little "guys night". Before they left, we took a few pictures in front of the dorm where we met. It's hard to believe I met Tyler almost 10 years ago! We've been together for 7.5, which is crazy. I'm so thankful for my time in Indiana for so many reasons, but mostly because it gave me my man

Us girls spent some more time on campus and I saw one of my sweet girls from the school where I taught. Before we left, Kristi and I took a great picture in front of the greatest freshman girls dorm of all time. It was there that we had a lot of fun and a lot of embarrassing moments. I love Shatford House and I'm a total dweeb with that thumbs up. At least I embrace it! But seriously, every girl in my wedding lived in Shatford except for my cousin. That should tell you something!

We headed down to Indy and had a great night together! We were able to meet up with our friend, Eric, and we had so much fun together! It also reminded me that I am kind of an old woman now, but it's still fun to pretend to be young every once in awhile. Ha! Check out our photo bombers in the pictures below. Seriously, people? We were annoyed about the girl photo bombers, but the guy in the last picture was a friend of Eric's, so it was cool.

When I woke up this morning, Tyler had sent me this picture of Griffin and typed, "Good Morning, Mommy!" It makes me laugh every time I look at it! He looks so pitiful, but in reality, he had the best time with Daddy! They are two peas in a pod. When I was driving home, Tyler told me that they had gone to Lowe's and then McDonald's. I got prematurely upset about McDonald's (stupid) until T told me that he'd gone through a drive-thru, parked, and that they had shared hot cakes, scrambled eggs, and sausage in the back seat. That absolutely MELTED MY HEART. I am beyond thankful for a wonderful husband who is an equally wonderful father.

It was great to get home to my boys. I'm looking forward to a fresh new week. On one last note, we were doing FaceTime with my dad this afternoon, and I took this screenshot. Every time Griffin talks to one of my parents on FaceTime, he always does three things: asks for whoever he's NOT talking to (if he's talking to Papa, he asks for Mimi, and vice versa), asks for the dog they babysat for a few weeks, and then asks for his beloved ball. They have this huge green ball in the garage that he loves to play with. Today, my dad indulged him and took the phone out into the garage to show him his BAHHHHHH. What a good Papa!

I hope you all have a great week and I'll be back tomorrow. As you start your week, please pray for sweet, precious Julee who lost her beloved husband suddenly this weekend. You won't waste a prayer on her and their baby, Preslee.

If you're interested in reading more in my 31 Days series, please click here!