Good Friday

Life is hard. I think that is something we can all agree on.

This earth is full of turmoil, devastation, evil, sorrow... and the list goes on and on. It wasn't meant to be like that, but thanks to sin, it is.

I remember reading something awhile back that Melissa Fitzpatrick (Beth Moore's daughter) said. She said, "I think He knows that it's hard to be us."

I think He does, too. He knows and He aches for us. In Romans 8:26, it says, "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." Sometimes our pain is so deep that we don't even know what to pray, but He knows. The Holy Spirit knows. 

I am not an eloquent writer and I don't post all that frequently on my blog, but if there is anything that I can tell you, it is that Jesus is it, my friends.

He is EVERYTHING.

Today we remember Good Friday when Jesus took that cross to take our sins, our pain, and our sorrow. Today we remember the day that He killed death and gave us the opportunity to have eternal hope. Today we remember that God sent his one and only son to die a horrific and painful death so that we can have hope! I don't know about you, but I wouldn't sacrifice Griffin for anyone. I'm glad I'm not God.

My pastor often says that our biggest problem has been solved. That problem was solved in three days and it started with Good Friday.

In the midst of heartache, it is my prayer that you can cling to the hope that is Jesus Christ. He died on the cross so that right smack in the middle of sorrow and devastation, you can have the hope of eternal life with Him. As I have walked through trials, I am learning that I need to cling to that light that is coming.

This earth is not my home because Jesus conquered death. The cross was enough and I am overcome with thankfulness!

If you have any questions about Jesus, I am NO expert, but I would be ever so happy to tell you what I know about Him. Life is hard, but Jesus is good. He is so, so good.

This is one of my very favorite songs. It nearly drives me to my knees every time I hear it. I hope that it speaks to you today and that it awakes your soul to sing of Him who died for YOU! Thank you, Jesus. You are all!

1 Peter 2:24

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.

Strut Songs and Allegra

Every once in awhile, my friend Erin does a post asking what you would choose as your own personal strut song. She does a great job of defining that on her blog, but it's basically a song that you'd like to play each time you walk in a room.

When I read her post yesterday, I knew immediately what song I would choose. And it is downright shameful. 

My strut song is Yeah! by Usher. You can look it up, but I cannot in good conscience put the YouTube video on my blog.

Have you ever heard it? It's so darn catchy! And fun! And spunky! I'm pretty sure when Usher, Lil Jon, and Ludacris recorded this song, "spunky" was probably not on their list of descriptive song words.

I have a lot of funny memories associated with this song, one being our wedding. The DJ played this song later in our reception and people went insane. My dad said he's never seen anything like it. Haha! 

I said that I couldn't put the video on my post, but what I can do is show you one of my very favorite movie scenes that includes the song. 

In this video, Hitch (Will Smith) is teaching Albert (Kevin James) how to dance to impress his lady friend, Allegra (Amber Valetta). More on the name Allegra later. Anyway, it's one of my top movie scenes ever. If you've never seen Hitch, watch it tonight. 

Every time I see this scene, I cackle. Yeah! is most definitely my main strut song and I would be sure to throw in some Albert-esque dance moves because that's just how I roll. My personal favorites are the Q-Tip and when he makes the pizza. Classic. No one would be able to ignore me when I would enter the room dancing and singing to Usher and I'm sure it would just make everyone else want to get up and dance, right?

If I had to pick an alternate strut song, I would choose "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell. I've loved that song since I saw it in Stepmom many moons ago. Apparently my strut songs come from movies? I'm sensing a pattern. 

My third and final strut song would be Maxine Nightengale's "Right Back Where We Started From". It's another peppy, fun song and I do love me some oldies. Who doesn't? I remember when I was little thinking that the Spice Girls would be on the oldies radio station when I grew up. Not quite.

What are your strut songs? Go over and leave them on Erin's post, too! I'm loving reading the comments people are leaving her!

And as a side note, my baby girl name has been Allegra since I saw Hitch, but Tyler is so anti-Allegra. Come to think of it, so are most people I share that with. I usually get one of two reactions. The first being, "You want to name your future daughter after an allergy medicine?" The second reaction is, "You want to name your future daughter after that puppet from the 90's?" Please see said puppet from Allegra's Window below.

NO, I do not want to name her after medication nor do I want to name her after a creepy colorful puppet. I want to name her after the beautiful blonde nerd woman in Hitch who fell in love with an endearing dweeb because she loved him for WHO HE WAS. You know, because it's far more normal to name an imaginary child after a fictional movie character who does not exist. 

I don't know how I got from strut songs to this, but it is what it is.

Happy Wednesday, lovelies! 

Build 'Em Up :: The Joy of Playing with Your Kids

I'm linking up again today with Erin, Kelly, Jennifer, and Courtney for today's Build 'Em Up topic-- The Joy of Playing with Your Kids. I loved reading all the posts a few weeks ago and am looking forward to reading more today! 

I am no stranger to playing with kids. In high school and college, I only ever held one "real" job because I made all my money babysitting. I was the little girl who played with dolls well into upper elementary school and who always dreamt of having a houseful of children myself. I entered college knowing full well that I wanted to be an elementary school teacher and never wavered once. I taught kindergarten and loved every second of it! Yes, I was teaching, but in kindergarten, there is still a lot of free and structured play. 

Then, my sweet Griffin boy came along. Newborns don't do a whole lot of playing, but I did sit around, admire, and snuggle him as long as he'd let me. He was a very sweet content baby and we did a lot of getting to know each other in those first few months. It was a sweet season; I was learning this fantastic new little person, he was learning me, and I was able to stay on top of things around the house relatively well because he wasn't mobile. 

But then Griffin grew, as babies typically do. That wasn't meant to be a rhyme, but whatever. It became harder to keep up around things around the house because he was mobile. Then, he began to learn how to express himself and tell me what he wanted. Now, I have a rambunctious and fun loving toddler who has no problem telling me what he wants to do and more importantly, what he wants me to do.

Griffin would love nothing more than to play with his mama 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and truthfully, I would love to do nothing more, but it's just not realistic. I remember feeling supremely guilty about this around a year ago when someone told me that it was good for Griffin to see me doing things around the house, because I was working for the Lord and for my husband. That was very comforting to me and helped to ease my self-imposed guilt a little bit.

However, it's a really hard balance to strike. I don't do well at this. I find that I have days where I clean and tidy and work every one of Griffin's waking hours and then I have days where I let everything go to pot because I just play with him all day long. And to me, that's okay. That's life. 

Until recently, I was working outside of the house 2-3 days a week. Griffin was with me, which we were so grateful for, but it was still 2-3 days outside of my house. I felt like I could never catch up, which was an unrealistic expectation I put on myself, but I found that when we were home, I was running around doing things like a crazed maniac. It wasn't pretty, but that's another post for another time. Unfortunately, that insecurity that I placed on myself affected the time I played with Griffin. I was always thinking of what I needed to do next and what was on my to-do list for that day. Pretty dumb, but it's true. 

As Griffin has grown into a two year old, he plays independently pretty well, but there is nothing that brings him to life like uninterrupted play with his mama that is free of the phone, television, and any other distractions. We love to play puzzles, color, dance, read, and play with cars and his construction vehicles. He is all boy and he loves running around, wrestling, throwing balls, and playing in forts. We both love being outside and are both craving better weather. This sounds cheesy, but really, it doesn't matter what we're doing as long as we're together. I love that about our bond. I love that the girls titled this weeks post theme "The Joy of Playing with Your Kids", because that really is the primary emotion I feel when Griffin and I play together! He is my joy boy. 

I'm trying to get better about being interrupted by Griffin wanting to play. Sure, there are times where I need to finish what I'm doing, but many times when he comes running to me saying, "Mommy sit!" or "Mommy, got you!" (which are his ways of saying he wants time with me), I am fully capable of putting down what I'm doing and returning to it at a later time. I know it's cliche, but the saying really is true-- the days are long, but the years are short. There will always be rooms to clean, emails to return, dinner to start, laundry to do, etc., but my boy will not always be two. I need that reminder tattooed on my forehead. 

It is our prayer that we will someday have more children, so this really will be the only time of my life that I have an only child and it's a special thing to be able to focus on him and our time together. I love being Griffin's mom! It is truly one of my greatest earthly joys. 

And just to keep it real, as I was putting the finishing touches on this post, he was begging me to play cars with him. I kept saying, "Just one more minute!" which is just what I'm trying to avoid. Come on, Rachel! Read your own post, for crying out loud. The next thing I know, I look over and he is EATING THE SEQUINS OFF MY FANCY EASTER RABBIT. I tried to fish them out of his mouth and got bit in the process and I'm pretty sure I didn't even get them all. That will be a fun diaper change. 

After the fancy Easter rabbit incident, I pulled him up on my lap for the last few moments of this post. He sat so sweetly and quietly-- he just wanted to be with his mama and the feeling is completely mutual. We even took a picture that I will share (in all my makeup free glory, WOOF) so that I can remember this lazy, pajama filled morning where he ate some pink sequins. But seriously, I love this boy with my whole heart and it's my prayer that I can start prioritizing time to play with him over the silly things that can wait. I know that someday, he probably won't even want to talk to me, so I'm soaking it up while I can. I'm so thankful for my little trophy of grace in my life... my sweet, sweet boy!

Bringing Faith to Life :: What Works for Me

I'm linking up today with Erin of Blue-Eyed Bride, Kelly of Kelly's Korner, Jennifer of Life in the Green House, and Courtney of Little Light O' Mine. They've started Build 'Em Up, an encouraging link up for wives and mothers. These women are some of my favorite bloggers (and friends!) and I'm thrilled to go through the linked posts and glean some wisdom and encouragement today! The first "theme" in this series is Bringing Your Faith to Life. 

Faith in Christ has always been a part of my life. Unfortunately, you'll notice that I didn't say an important part of my life. I grew up in a family where Christ was the most important thing. My parents set an incredible example for me and my brother of what it looked like to trust Him with everything. I was in church every Sunday and Wednesday, went to a Christian school from kindergarten through 12th grade and then went on to have 4 years at a Christian university.

I was immersed in Christianity from the time I was born, but that still didn't guarantee that my faith was my own. I know that because it wasn't. 

Until I headed to college, I wasn't personally aware of my need for Jesus. I thought He was great, called myself a Christian, would pray intermittently (and mostly when I needed something), had random quiet times, and would come home recharged and on fire after church retreats and camps. But that on-fire feeling would only last for a few days, maybe a week at best, and I'd be back to my normal behavior.

College was really the first place where my faith became real to me. My sweet roommate, who is also one of my best friends, is one of the most faith-filled people I know. I got to see her make time in her schedule every single day to spend time with the Lord. This was the first time I'd ever seen someone who wasn't an adult have a daily quiet time and really seek the Lord's will and guidance in her life. I remember thinking that if she could do it, then surely I could too if I put the effort into making my faith a priority. It impacted me greatly, so much so that I haven't forgotten about it ten years later. Today, Sara is still one of the greatest spiritual encouragers in my life. She has spoken truth over my life multiple times and has walked alongside me through some really tough stuff. 

Marriage was the next big kick in the pants that I had regarding making my faith my own. Marriage threw a big, ugly mirror in my face and has showed me just how wretched I really can be. There have been lots of smooth and wonderful patches over the last 5.5 years, but some rough and bumpy ones too. Isn't that typical of a marriage? But through it all, I've learned that I have a huge need for my Savior. I am a hot mess without Him and that comes shining through brightly when I'm spending time with Him... and when I'm not. The sweetest times in our marriage have been when I am walking closely with the Lord and open to what He wants for me. I don't believe for a second that that's a coincidence. 

When Griffin was born, the significance of who I had become hit me like a ton of bricks. I was someone's mother. It wasn't my responsibility to make sure that Griffin had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ someday, but it was my responsibility to tell him about Jesus and model it for him. That's the kind of responsibility that I don't take lightly. As he's grown older, I'm seeing so much more of myself in him... my expressions, my tone of voice, the things I say, etc. At two years old, he is a little parrot in every sense of the word, and my GOODNESS, it's been humbling.

I want Griffin to have the kind of example set for him that I did growing up. I want him to see me reading my Bible, reading good books that encourage and strengthen my faith, and mostly, in my actions. I want him to see me loving people well and working every day to keep Christ on the throne of my heart. 

Bringing my faith to life has been a very hard thing for me. I'm just being honest, but I do like to think that anything worth anything usually isn't easy. It is hard work, but it is so worth it. I never feel so at peace as when I'm walking daily with Jesus, even in the midst of horrible circumstances and seemingly unending storms. 

So how do I do it? I do it with heaps and heaps of grace. I have stopped beating myself up when I miss time in the Word and with God each day and ask for help in making time and putting aside my selfish desires the next day. To me, the most important thing is spending time in the word of God. That's my first priority in my quiet times-- to read scripture on a daily basis and learn what God's character is all about. I'm reading through the Bible in a year and I'm learning a lot of new things and being reminded of a lot of the "basics" of my faith. Here are some other things that have helped (and continue to help) bring my faith to life.

• Read good, solid literature by authors who love the Lord :: One of my favorite books is actually by my pastor, Brad Bigney. His book, Gospel Treason, is changing my life as I read it. We are discussing it in our small group. It is good stuff and I would highly recommend it! I'm also  currently reading The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson and it's been very impactful. A friend recently gave me Jesus Calling by Sarah Young and it's fantastic! It's short enough that you can read it before your feet even hit the floor in the morning. I'm excited to start reading it daily because so many of my friends just love it. Some other great authors are Beth Moore, Jerry Bridges, Ann Voskamp, and Francis Chan. There are more and if you would like more suggestions, please feel free to shoot me an email at rnoelhaney AT gmail DOT com. I'm no expert, but I'm happy to share what I've loved. 

• Memorize scripture :: I can't tell you how many times I've been in a hard situation and wished that I knew where to find a verse, or better yet, had said verse committed to memory. I am not good at this, but I am working on it. I have been trying to memorize scriptures that talk about the character of God and His heart for his people. I write mine on a spiral from the drug store and keep it with me in my purse, diaper bag, etc. 

• Listen to music :: Obviously, it's impossible to be able to sit and read your Bible all day everyday. That's why I believe memorizing scripture is so important-- you can recite it to yourself anywhere, anytime. But I also love Christian music. Some of my most precious moments with God have been while I'm listening to music that talks about His love and goodness. It's so easy to just open Pandora on my phone and listen to the Passion station or the Aaron Shust station. Some of my favorite Christian artists are Passion, Hillsong, Chris Tomlin, Aaron Shust, Laura Story, and SO many others. If you need more suggestions, please feel free to contact me!

• Get involved in a church :: We can't say enough about our church. It is full of authentic people who love the Lord and are striving to please Him-- not to be perfect. We are so thankful for the community of people in our church who love Jesus and love each other, but that are also transparent about their sins and how they struggle. It's not a church of perfect people and we love that.

• Participate in a small group or Bible study :: We have a group of friends that we meet with weekly and we discuss a different book chapter by chapter. We also have a small group from church that we meet with weekly. During the summer, I'm involved with a group of women from my old school that work through a Beth Moore Bible study. Each of these groups has helped me to grow in my faith. It's also so important to have friends who encourage you in your faith and who speak truth to you even in the really difficult times, despite what your reaction might be. Some of my very best friends have been made through these groups and they are women who speak truth mightily into my life. 

Those are some of the things that work for me. What works for you? They are all of equal importance, but many days, I just have enough time to read my Bible... and that's okay. Nothing about my faith in Christ is based on my works, even though I often think that's the case. I'm learning to give myself grace and rely on Him to give me the strength and grace everyday to be a child of God, a Godly wife, and a Godly mother. 

The Accident

Sometimes, Tyler has to travel for his job. We really love his job and his employer, but it does come with a little bit of travel. When we realized that travel would be a part of his job, it was not a big deal because I was still working full time and we didn't have any kids. Since Griffin has come into the picture, it's definitely more of a hassle for me since we don't have any family close by, but we've gotten by just fine without any major disasters.

I'm sorry to say that all changed a month or so ago.

Tyler had been gone for most of the week at a conference and Griffin and I managed to make out pretty well on our own! I planned a few outings with friends, had to babysit for a few days, and had an open house to attend for a possible nursery school next year for Griffin. More on that later, but WHEN did my baby get so old!? Back to my story.

It was Thursday and it was a crazy, crazy day. Griffy and I had been out of the house all day, only to get home around 6:00 pm. I quickly made dinner, fed both of us, and cleaned up dinner. By that time, it was 7:15. Our small group meets on Thursday nights and we start at 7. I debated even going, but I really wanted to be there. I loaded Griffin into the car and we were at small group by 7:30.

I had a great time and enjoyed the company of other adults so much, seeing as I'd been with my one year old for the majority of the week. Griffin had a good time too, but ended up with an accidental black eye. It was his very first one and a rite of passage for a toddler boy, I suppose! He was so tough and I held myself together pretty well, seeing as though I can sometimes go a little crazy when it comes to my baby. 

These pictures were from the next morning, but I thought you could use a visual of my poor baby with his black eye.

Anyway, I had a great time at small group and Griffin had a great time with his friends. I was also so happy because Tyler's flight was landing that night and we'd arrive home at the same time. I was done being a single mom for the week. Let me just say this, though-- I have mad respect for single moms. It's tough to do it for a week and I think single moms are the most incredible people.

As soon as I walked out of small group, I was shocked. In two hours, we'd gotten a complete covering of snow. There wasn't a flake of snow when we'd gone inside at 7:30. Although I was surprised, I wasn't worried. Come on, I grew up in southeast Michigan and had driven in way more snow than this.

Unfortunately, I was immediately humbled and knocked off my high horse when I started driving. I quickly realized this wasn't just any snow. This was the slippery, icy kind of snow from you-know-where, although I'm pretty sure there is no snow there. It took us awhile to get out of the neighborhood, but by the time we made it to the main road, I knew the ride home was going to be bad.

It normally takes us 5 minutes to get from our pastor's house to the freeway. That night it took me about 15 minutes. I was terrified, but I was so focused on getting us home safe. I had called Tyler before I'd left and he told me to be careful. He was on his way home from the airport on the same freeway that I was going to be driving on and he said that the roads were awful and that there were accidents everywhere. I actually had the presence of mind to unlock my doors and put my cell phone on the passenger seat "just in case". I'm now really glad that I did that.

We got to the freeway and as soon as I turned onto the on ramp, I knew we were toast. I was going SO slow, probably no more than 10 miles per hour, but I turned and it was just a solid sheet of ice. Even as I'm typing this almost three weeks later, my whole body is trembling. It was hands down the scariest moment of my life. As soon as we turned, we just started sliding. This was a problem because of a few reasons. We were headed down an on ramp, so we just started picking up speed. The other problem was that at the bottom of the on ramp, a semi truck had pulled on to the shoulder. This was probably because the driver realized that he was on a slippery ramp of DEATH. Smart man. Although, I drive a tiny little car and couldn't have stopped if I'd tried.

We slid down the ramp and smashed right into his cab. The impact caused my car to spin and once we stopped spinning, we stopped perpendicular to the on ramp. It all happened SO fast, but the only thing on my mind was Griffin. I basically flew into the backseat, but Griffin had a huge smile on his face and said, "WOW!!! TRUCK!!!" My sweet boy. I quickly got him out of the car with my phone where we got out of the car to stand on the icy road with snow coming down. It was not a great time. What was even worse was that the salt trucks were three cars behind me. THREE. Could you not have sped up a little and spared me of this, salt man?? Guess not.

After I was done being ticked off at the slow salt men, I called our friends who had been leaving small group at the same time. Then I called Tyler and freaked out crying. I kept saying, "I didn't do this on purpose! I didn't do this on purpose!" Well, DUH. He was so kind and calm and kept assuring me that he knew I didn't do it on purpose. Thankfully, Tyler was coming up on the exit that we had our accident at and was able to just get off the freeway. In the meantime, our friends Nick and Annie came to be with me. Bless them, they had their 2 year old and 5 month old in the car, but they came immediately. Annie held Griffin in the car, which Griffin loved because he loves her, and Nick helped me out in the blizzard. Thankfully, the truck driver was really nice. I was bawling and kept apologizing to him. Later on, he told Tyler, "Your wife is a real nice lady. She didn't mean for this to happen!" Bless his heart. I think I scared him.

It only took Tyler about 20 minutes to get to us, but it felt like an eternity. It was such a blessing that he hadn't passed our exit. The roads were horrific and it would've taken him hours to get to us had he been home already. Luckily, the truck had minimal damage (unlike my poor car), so we decided to exchange information and not wait for the police. I had already called them twice and they told me it could take hours because only two police officers were on duty and there were accidents everywhere. In other news, it felt a bit irresponsible of the city to only have two officers on duty EVER, but what do I know? Just another reason why I should never be in law enforcement.

Anyway, Tyler and Nick determined the car would be able to get home. Nick and Annie waited until we were leaving which I will never be able to thank them for. Seriously, those are some great friends. Tyler drove my car and Griffin and I drove in his. It was absolutely the scariest drive of my LIFE. What normally takes us 15 minutes took us an hour and a half. The roads were horrific. Again, I grew up in Michigan, but never in my life have I seen or driven in anything comparable to this. The roads were quite literally a solid sheet of ice. We had to drive up an incline in the freeway and I am not kidding you when I said that all around us were more semi trucks sliding backwards down the freeway because they couldn't make it up the icy incline. Then, we got to our exit and cars couldn't get off because of the incline. People were driving up and not able to complete the hill because it was so icy. It was insane. I seriously thought we were going to have to spend the night on the highway. I started sobbing, which in hindsight wasn't smart because I needed to concentrate on the road. Luckily, we were able to get off on the next exit, but I'm not sure I breathed once the whole drive home. I just kept saying out loud, "Lord, keep us safe. Lord, protect us. Lord, get us home." And He really did.

Sure, we got in an accident, but we were all safe. He kept us safe, He protected us, and He got us home. I have never, ever been so thankful to see my little yellow house. The three of us piled into bed and of course my guys passed out right away, but my adrenaline was pumping a little too hard. It was a crazy night. Since that night, I've struggled driving or being a passenger in a car when the roads are wet or it's snowing or raining. I hope that passes soon because I don't need another neurotic tendency.

And even though Griffin and I were safe and perfectly fine (which is obviously the most important thing), my little car was not so lucky. We are super thankful for car insurance and for a great collision shop. My car is already fixed and home with us!

This was my first really bad accident in 27 years and I'm hoping that it'll be my last. Fingers crossed! And if I ever come out of anywhere and there's a surprise snow, I will be staying there until the snow melts. I don't care if it takes a week; mark my words, there will be no more driving in horrific snow. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Happy Monday! 

Haney 365 :: February 13-19

Haney 365 :: February 6-12