Build 'Em Up :: Remembering You

I'm linking up again today for Build 'Em Up with Kelly, Erin, Jennifer, and Courtney! 

I would venture a guess that this topic, remembering ourselves, is a hard topic for mothers.

I remember when Griffin was born thinking that any time I took for myself was selfish. I had been fed that lie by someone who wasn't even a mother yet. I should've known better! 

Slowly, I began to realize that time for myself wasn't selfish, but that it was necessary and life giving for me. I'm not talking about anything crazy, but just taking time to remember that I was still Rachel. I was Mommy now, and it was the most blessed thing, but I was also still Rachel. 

The best way that I've been able to remember myself, if you will, is to just take a little bit of time each day to do something that I enjoy or something that helps me to relax. On certain days, it's only ten minutes and on other days, it's a few hours. Some days, it doesn't happen at all, but that's okay.

I don't think it's always necessary to spend money to remember yourself, either. Don't get me wrong; sometimes, I do think it's necessary! Every girl needs a manicure once in awhile. I remember one week about a year ago, I had a little time to myself after running some errands. I could've counted the solo errands as some good alone time and headed home to check things off my to-do list, but I didn't. I stopped at Barnes & Noble, grabbed a book I'd been wanting to read, and bought myself a piece of cheesecake from the Starbucks cafe. I didn't stay for long and I didn't even buy the book, but it was refreshing and I was ready to go home and see my boy when I was finished.

We live far from both of our families... as in 4 hour minimum drives. This doesn't allow me the luxury of dropping Griffin off at my parent's house so I can get a pedicure or grocery shop alone. This also means that I am with Griffin nearly 100% of the time. I love that child with every fiber of my being, but sometimes I need a break that isn't during nap time. Does anybody hear me? I think he needs a break from me too! I have some incredible friends who have offered to keep Griffin from time to time and it's a huge blessing to me. If there's anything I can recommend to moms, it's that you find a friend who doesn't have local family and offer to babysit for her once a month or so. Just mark it on your calendar each month to remind yourself! Our friends who babysit for us have been such a blessing to me.

I don't think there is a perfect formula to remembering yourself as a mom. I think it depends on the individual and the circumstance. I know a lot of women find a hot bath relaxing and once in awhile, I do too. But most of the time? No thanks! I would much rather sit on our porch with a cocktail and my book. I love to cook and if he's able, Tyler will occupy Griffin while I make supper each night. I love streaming a show on Netflix and putting together a meal for my family. I love to grocery shop. Weird, right? I love meal planning each Sunday and going to the grocery store on Mondays... with Griffin. Yes, you read that right.

In conjunction with that last confession, I've learned that sometimes, remembering myself can't feasibly be done as a solo activity. There are days where we have 4 activities, weeks where Tyler is out of town, or times when Griffin just doesn't leave my side all day. Sometimes, I like to remember myself with my little companion by my side! I really do love to grocery shop. I am a weird, weird woman in that I actually prefer to grocery shop with Griffin. It's a sweet time for the two of us where there are little distractions and a lot of time for interaction. I love to share the experience with him. In that, I feel rejuvenated and able to be a better version of myself.

I think it's key to figure out what works for you. How do you remember you? What rejuvenates you? I'd bet that most moms who read this post wouldn't agree that grocery shopping with your two year old would fall under that category. By itself, it surely wouldn't for me either. But paired with other solo moments and time spent reading, cooking, driving alone, having dinner dates with my husband and my friends, etc., it's what does it for me. And I am grateful.

I am always striving to be the best Christ follower, wife, and mother I can be. It's not always an easy process or road. In fact, it's rarely easy. But I do think that taking marked time out to remember yourself isn't selfish, but vital in motherhood and in just being the best version of ourselves. I know that the time I spend away from Griffin typically leaves me feeling refreshed, renewed, and missing him so much I can hardly stand it. 

Motherhood is a wild ride, but if there's anything I've learned, it's that you have to do what works for you. Don't let anyone tell you lies that taking time for yourself is selfish. Ain't nobody got time for that!